We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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