My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
