We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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