And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
