you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He has the fingertips of a God
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
