take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hippo gnu deer
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
