i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I touched a dick in church today
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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