i already hear my dad disowning me
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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