he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
