no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
