I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
