I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
