You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
