He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
vagina is talking i cant
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
