why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
