apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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