Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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