I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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