I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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