she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
