As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
