so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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