Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
