Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize