I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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