you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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