If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
