Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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