Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
