no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
