saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
