Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
