i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
