Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I love having hate sex.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
