So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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