went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
