It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
