At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
