Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize