I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
