I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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