"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
