So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
