I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
