Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
