my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
