No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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