First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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