you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
