I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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