Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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