um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
