Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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