dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
