i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
