she looked like the bat from fern gully.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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