honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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