i need an iv and a liver transplant
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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