You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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