A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
