question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
