I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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