The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
