I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
