waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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