i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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