I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Alive.
So much puke
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
