I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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