some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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