Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There are leaves in my underwear?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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