What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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